i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
