My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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