Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
