i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
