Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
