honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
