You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
