You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
