cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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