bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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