Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
no. you can't hotbox the world.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
