the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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