Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
