go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
A bitchslap is in order.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
