I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
