i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
