Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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