u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
