So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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