she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The best revenge is premature balding
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
