If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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