I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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