I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
