i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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