she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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