i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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