He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It was confusing and full of hummus
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
