this beer tastes like vomit already
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's the barista slut.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
