He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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