youre lurking in front of me
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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