looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize