Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
