Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize