and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
