I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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