Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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