my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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