dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We need to rekindle our bromance
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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