why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
