is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
