so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
