He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
