omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
