Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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