My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
