Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
