physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She needs sedatives and a leash
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize