so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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