Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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