Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
