i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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