I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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