I want to stick my p in your. b.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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