How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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