come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
