not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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