I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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