Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
