i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
