Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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