Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
