I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
