your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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