We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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