she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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