Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
