4 words: hood of his car
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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