I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
