Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Oh god it's open bar.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
