I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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