if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
