READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
