May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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