Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
