it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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