Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
