Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
