I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
