bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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