I wish I could punch you in the face.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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