i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
foreskin is a definite game changer
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
