I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
