I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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