My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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