So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
