Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
