There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
