you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
