You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
